


rain against pavement

by junhoe



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, One-Sided Attraction, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-22 06:21:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13758117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junhoe/pseuds/junhoe
Summary: he figures he’s in love with haknyeon when he’s seventeen and he’s seated beside the boy on the bus ride back home from school. haknyeon’s fallen asleep and his head falls onto juyeon’s shoulder.





	rain against pavement

**Author's Note:**

> i haven't written fic in YEARS and the first tbz fic i write is this... sorry if it's crusty!!! this is also my first time posting on ao3 so i hope i got the formatting and tags right!

juyeon remembers his time with haknyeon in fragments –– pieces them together to create a reel in his head. they’d both grown up together; haknyeon moving in from jeju to the apartment beside his when juyeon was only five.

it hadn’t been love at first sight, not at all. juyeon had found haknyeon annoyingly loud at the start, a bit too curious of a boy for him to get along with. but haknyeon stuck around anyway, would latch onto juyeon as though he was the coolest being on earth. and juyeon slowly found himself getting used to it, haknyeon’s touch, haknyeon.

it’s almost natural how quickly the both of them become friends. there’s not much to it –– not much that juyeon can pinpoint at least. he’d grown up beside haknyeon and having the younger boy beside him almost felt natural, as though that was how things were always supposed to be.

he figures he’s in love with haknyeon when he’s seventeen and he’s seated beside the boy on the bus ride back home from school. haknyeon’s fallen asleep and his head falls onto juyeon’s shoulder.

the window reflects them both and for a moment juyeon thinks he’d like if he could spend forever like this, watching the sunset with haknyeon by his side.

_oh_ , he thinks. his eyes shift from the window to haknyeon; the younger boy sound asleep with his head against juyeon’s shoulder. _oh_ , he thinks again. haknyeon is warm and his hand is so close to juyeon’s. he wants to hold it.

_i love him_.

 

 

it hadn’t been a huge shock to juyeon when he’d realized that he was in love with haknyeon. not really. at the very least, he’d always sort of thought about it at the back of his mind.

the realization that he was in love with haknyeon had been pleasant. it hadn’t felt like something was thrown onto him; instead, it felt like a gush of wind, a soft _oh_ as he looked at haknyeon. like it had always been there, these feelings he’d had.

in truth, he’d probably been in love with haknyeon long before the bus ride. in truth, he’d probably been in love with haknyeon long before he’d realized it. it’s no secret that he has a soft spot for the younger boy, that he purposefully stays in school a little longer just to go home with haknyeon, that when he’s passing by a snack shop he almost always finds himself buying something for haknyeon, even when he’s running low on cash himself.

realizing that he’d been in love with haknyeon for years now made juyeon feel light.

 

 

_march_

 

being in love with haknyeon doesn’t change much in their routine. juyeon still waits for him every morning before they go to school, still hangs out with him for lunch, still takes the bus home with haknyeon falling asleep by his side.

“it’s like the both of you are dating,” chanhee says one day. “has anyone ever told you that? like you’re always coming and going home from school together.”

juyeon looks at chanhee momentarily before he turns back to focus on his textbook, “we’re just friends,” he says and the pang in his chest that he feels afterwards is new.

“i’m _just friends_ with kevin but every time i ask him for some help with math he tells me to listen to beyonce’s one plus one.”

“well that’s your own fault for being friends with kevin,” juyeon adds.

“... touché,” chanhee concedes, slinking back into his chair. “i’m just saying, you guys look like you’re dating. you might as well, really.”

“that would be nice,” juyeon finds himself saying, but his voice is soft and he’s not too sure if chanhee’s heard it. even if chanhee has, he doesn’t say a word.

 

 

_april_

 

juyeon chances upon the confession by accident. he’d been trying to get back a basketball that chanhee had thrown off court when he catches sight of haknyeon standing opposite a girl. he doesn’t know what makes him do it, what makes him hide behind the pillar as he listens closely to their conversation (a lie. he does. the words “i like you” seeping out of the girl’s lips had juyeon scrambling to hide).

“i… for a while now, i’ve liked you,” she says and juyeon can see her hands trembling, her eyes looking down onto her feet as she confesses to haknyeon.

there’s silence for a moment and juyeon’s grip on the ball tightens, his hands turning clammy. _answer_ , juyeon thinks.

“sorry,” haknyeon finally replies. “i can’t… return your feelings.”

the feeling is back again, that gush of wind –– that overwhelming breeze.

“do you already have someone you like?”

haknyeon smiles and juyeon freezes. he runs away before he can hear anymore of their conversation. he doesn’t know why but his heart is heavy, he tunes everything out. there’s an odd feeling in his stomach, and he’s not quite sure what it is.

“everything alright?” chanhee asks the moment juyeon returns. “your face is red as hell. dude did you run  _that_ far?”

“huh? oh no. no haha i’m fine just… the sun or something.”

“you’re a really shitty liar.”

 

 

 

 

they walk back home together as usual but juyeon can’t seem to get the question out of his mind. what if haknyeon really does like somebody; what would juyeon do then? he’d always assumed that haknyeon would remain… as haknyeon. for some reason had always assumed that haknyeon would remain by his side.

it’s silly really, now that he thinks of it. it’s too much of an ideal situation for the both of them to stay together, and juyeon’s never been a really lucky guy. to have haknyeon share the same feelings as him would be impossible.

“haknyeon,” juyeon says suddenly, “sorry… i kinda heard the confession you got just now.”

haknyeon pauses for a moment before he turns to look up at juyeon. “oh. yeah well… it happens when you’re as cute as me,” haknyeon says jokingly but his voice is tense, only if slightly (and juyeon catches that). “how much did you hear?”

“she asked you if you liked someone and then i walked away.”

“why?”

“huh?”

“why did you walk away?”

_because i don’t want to know_ , juyeon can’t possibly say that. _because i like you_ , he can’t possibly.

“chanhee was being annoying so i didn’t hear the last part,” he lies.

“oh. yeah well, it’s alright. she’s cute i just can’t see myself with her, you know?”

“yeah i mean. me neither,” juyeon replies and by now he doesn’t even know what he’s saying –– if anything he’s saying is making sense. “but do you though? have someone you like?”

and as much as juyeon tries to not look at haknyeon, it’s hard to not notice the way his cheeks turn a slight shade of pink, or how his eyebrows furrow a little as though in deep thought. “i do,” haknyeon admits, “i think i do.”

at that moment juyeon recognizes the odd feeling in the pit of his stomach. jealousy.

“how about you hyung?”

“yeah,” he says, voice slightly soft, “i do too.”

(and if juyeon hadn’t been looking down at the pavement as he spoke, he would’ve noticed the way haknyeon’s face fell.)

 

_august_

 

“odd aura, i’m sensing an odd aura.”

“what tv show is it this from this time? i can’t keep up with you.”

chanhee sighs and plops himself down beside juyeon. “no tv show –– though i have been watching that’s so raven with kevin so maybe i’m a little influenced by that –– i’m just making an observation right now. i’m sensing odd auras around you.”

juyeon can only nod as chanhee speaks, already used to his friend’s antics by now, before he continues attempting his homework. except of course, he can’t get anything done, not with chanhee practically _staring_ at him.

“okay you got my attention. how can i help you, choi chanhee?”

“did you have a fight with haknyeon?”

and that catches juyeon a little off guard. “... no? what makes you say that?”

“oh well then my first guess was wrong. then can i tell you my second?”

“i don’t really have a choic ––”

“did you finally confess to haknyeon?”

and that _really_ catches juyeon off guard. he blinks once, then twice and then he immediately shakes his head. “what are you even talking about? you watch a few episodes of that’s so raven with kevin and suddenly you think you’re psychic?”

“i know you like him,” chanhee says, “i’ve known for a while,” his voice gets calmer as he moves closer to juyeon. “you don’t need psychic abilities to be able to tell the obvious.”

immediately juyeon’s face goes a red and he tears his eyes away from his friend, looking at his own two hands, covered in blue ink from all the work he’d been doing before instead.

juyeon could always deny this, could say that chanhee’s completely wrong and that haknyeon is _just_ a friend. but he can’t –– he doesn’t think he can keep this secret to himself any longer. and it’s chanhee after all and juyeon trusts chanhee.

“was i really that obvious?”

chanhee smiles, “very.”

juyeon doesn’t say anything in reply, opts to sigh as he runs a hand over his face.

“you know, we’re graduating pretty soon. i think you should tell him how you feel or you’ll regret it.”

“it’s not that easy, you know? haknyeon’s been with me for… well ever. i can’t risk everything we have.”

“but you’d miss out on what you could be.”

 

 

_september_

 

the bus ride back home is longer than usual –– the roads are crowded with cars and it’s raining heavily. juyeon stares out the window before he feels something warm on his hand. he turns around only to see haknyeon staring down at his bag, face red.

“are you alright?”

“y-yeah,” the younger boy stutters.

juyeon notices the grip haknyeon has on his hand and as much as it makes his heart flutter, he can’t help but wonder why haknyeon’s holding onto him. “you sure?”

“hyung,” haknyeon says, completely cutting off the flow of the conversation, “i need to check something so could i –– could i just hold your hand?”

“oh uh, well. yeah… but,” he pulls his hand away from haknyeon and repositions it, interlacing their fingers together. “it’s more comfortable this way.”

haknyeon’s smile is wide, “yeah, i like it more this way too.”

as the rain continues to pour outside, haknyeon falls asleep once again –– head resting against juyeon’s shoulder. except this time their fingers are intertwined and juyeon _knows_ he’s in love. he glances over at haknyeon before he leans in to press a kiss against the top of the boy’s head gently.

when he realizes what he’s doing juyeon pulls away, his face is flushed and he immediately turns to look out the window. _what the fuck am i doing?_

(and if juyeon hadn’t been looking out the window then, he’d noticed that haknyeon’s face was red too.)

 

_february_

 

graduation comes sooner than expected. juyeon’s class is called up and he’s made to walk onto the stage to get his certificate. it goes by pretty fast and quickly gets sentimental with his batch mates crying.

the first person to hug him in tears is changmin, yelling out _“we’re old! we’re old!”_ , the next is kevin yelling out _“adulthood! adulthood!”_ but chanhee only smiles as he pats both changmin and kevin on the back before he gives juyeon a hug of his own.

“i’ll miss you guys,” juyeon says, to which that earns him a playful punch from kevin.

“you say you’ll miss us but you’re not even _crying_!” kevin says dramatically. “look! at least chanhee’s got… something in his eyes. or maybe they’re just naturally that doe-eyed.”

juyeon laughs, and he’s about to point out how gross kevin looks like with snot running down his face when he feels a tug on his sleeve. he turns around and he sees haknyeon, smiling and looking up at juyeon. “hyung!”

as if on cue, chanhee ushers the other two crying boys away and leaves both juyeon and haknyeon alone. “haknyeon!” juyeon smiles and it’s instinctive as he pulls haknyeon in for a tight hug. “you came.”

“i couldn’t miss this,” haknyeon says, “i can’t believe you’re graduating.”

“neither can i,” juyeon shrugs and haknyeon smiles before he pulls juyeon closer again for another hug. except this time haknyeon doesn’t let go, and soon enough juyeon realizes that haknyeon’s shoulders are beginning to shake. “hakn ––”

“can you not go?” haknyeon buries his face in juyeon’s chest as he speaks, arms wrapped around the waist of the older boy. “it’s going to be really lonely without you.”

juyeon doesn’t reply, instead he rests his chin on haknyeon’s head and pats his back soothingly.

“i wish you could stay,” haknyeon’s voice is soft as he speaks, “i really like you hyung.”

“me too,” juyeon smiles. he feels his uniform getting soaked in haknyeon’s tears. “i really like you too.”

 

_june_

 

juyeon gets swamped with college applications. days turn into months and before he knows it he’s a college student and haknyeon’s attending his last year of highschool too. and as much as juyeon tries to return home whenever he can, he realizes that it’s easier to just stay in the dorms. it’s getting harder and harder to see each other and the distance that grows between them is only natural.

the two still send occasional texts to each other and juyeon’s feelings remain unchanged. he’s sure that he’s still in love with haknyeon, even with the distance between the both of them. but he knows better than to stay hungover about his feelings –– changmin’s starting to ask him why he’s been single for so long and he can’t really handle another ‘all the single ladies’ joke from kevin anymore.

juyeon meets a girl in campus. the both of them assigned partners for a project. she’s nice and sweet, and she makes juyeon laugh. it’s also her that makes the first move, and it’s also her that leans in towards juyeon one night in the library. but it’s juyeon that kisses back.

when juyeon brings her back home during a vacation one day he doesn’t expect haknyeon to be in his house. which is silly really, because haknyeon is his _neighbour_ and their families are close. so it’s only normal for haknyeon to be seated in his dining room, chips in his mouth as juyeon walks into his house with his girlfriend by his side.

“oh!” juyeon’s mother cries out happily, “you must be juyeon’s girlfriend! you’re so pretty! look at you!”

but juyeon can’t seem to keep his eyes away from haknyeon. haknyeon doesn’t say anything for the longest time and juyeon thinks he sees haknyeon’s hand trembling. for some reason, juyeon can’t seem to say anything as well.

“welcome home hyung,” it’s haknyeon who speaks first. “your girlfriend is really pretty. i’m jealous.”

juyeon smiles as he walks towards haknyeon. “you’ll get yourself a girlfriend one day too,” he says. he attempts to pat haknyeon’s head but the boy moves away quickly. “haknyeon?”

“i just remembered i have to finish up some homework!” immediately haknyeon stands up. he gathers his belongings and rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. “it was nice seeing you and your girlfriend hyung! she’s really pretty!” haknyeon laughs but it’s forced and juyeon can tell (he’s always been able to tell). “i’m jealous,” he says again.

juyeon watches as haknyeon walks out the door. there’s that feeling in his chest once more. the one he hadn’t felt in months.

 

_august_

 

juyeon’s back during a weekend to make a random visit and he finds himself holed up in haknyeon’s room, the both of them playing video games –– it feels oddly familiar, something they did before juyeon had to move away to college. of course, juyeon wins.

“hyung,” haknyeon puts down his controller, “i need… some advice.”

“video game advice?”

“no like… people advice.”

“oh okay. i guess i can try to help,” juyeon puts his controller down as well, furrowing his eyebrows. “what’s up?”

“someone likes me,” haknyeon says, to which juyeon can only nod.

“i thought you said that it’s normal for someone as cute as you.”

“it’s a boy.”

“... and?”

“i think i like him too.”

_oh_.

“that – yeah… well, i mean,” juyeon attempts to say something, _anything._  it’s not like the idea of a boy liking another boy was odd to him – it's far from that. it's the idea of haknyeon being in love with someone else. “who is he?”

“i don’t know if you know him. he’s a second year now. kim sunwoo…?”

“you mean the boy who’s really good at soccer?” haknyeon nods, “and he confessed to you first?”

“yeah. he’s really nice, he buys me snacks and he makes me laugh a lot. he’s been coaching me at soccer too. we kissed once.”

there’s that feeling again, that twist in juyeon’s stomach. he has no right to feel this way, juyeon has _no right_ to feel like this. he’d gotten himself a girlfriend weeks ago, so haknyeon should very well be able to get himself a boyfriend. still juyeon feels oddly selfish.

“how was it like?”

“kissing him?”

this time, it’s juyeon who nods.

“i don’t know. he was my first kiss… i kinda just. kissed him because he was kissing me. i don’t know.”

it’s like he’s seeing himself in haknyeon –– he’s reminded of how he’d just kissed his own girlfriend because she was kissing him. juyeon doesn’t know what else to say, sighs only slightly. he hates this.

“he asked me to be his boyfriend.”

“and what did you say?”

“what should i say?” haknyeon’s looking at juyeon now, his eyes peering into the older boy’s, as though expecting something. juyeon feels haknyeon’s hand on top of his own. “what should i do?”

_don’t._ juyeon thinks, _say no_ , his mind screams, _haknyeon_ _i love you_.

“you should go for it,” juyeon says, “you like him, right?” the warmth he’d felt on top of his hand is gone as haknyeon pulls away. haknyeon blinks and juyeon has to force himself to look at anything but haknyeon as he speaks, “i mean, you guys have even kissed. you should definitely go for it. you know, maybe he’ll make you really happy.” _i love you._

“really?” haknyeon’s voice is soft, “do you really mean that?”

“yeah, of course. you know i’d only want what’s best for you.” haknyeon doesn’t need to be confused, haknyeon doesn’t deserve this –– knowing of juyeon’s feelings at a vulnerable time like so. _i love you._

the room feels stuffy all of a sudden despite the open windows. juyeon can’t seem to look at haknyeon in the eye at all. silence engulfs the both of them before haknyeon speaks, “okay,” he says, voice soft, light –– as though he’d finally let something go. “thank you.”

juyeon doesn’t turn around to face haknyeon, just busies himself with the holes of his pants.

(and if juyeon hadn’t been looking away then, he would’ve noticed the tears welling up in haknyeon’s eyes).

 

* * *

  
_unsent messages_

_september_

_from: hak  
_ _to: juyeon hyung_

_why did you kiss me in the bus?_

**Author's Note:**

> shoutout to phil for everything even my tears... thanks for giving me the muse to write not-so-unrequited-unrequited jyujyu (thumbs up through MY TEARS) this was really phil's idea HONESTLY


End file.
